You Can't Make Mistakes.

Reporting on the technological forefront of asses

I’ve talked about the donkeys and horses in the city before. I still can’t help smiling when I see a donkey: the are just so pathetically adorable. Unfortunately they are often mistreated and underfed here. Then again, so are a lot of people, and I have to prioritize my sympathy. We all do.

Regardless, Stacey and I saw a donkey on our street the other day. The ass in question was attached to the cart of our regular bikiyeh guy, pulling it through speeding rush hour traffic in the left lane. He apparently was not hoofing it fast enough, because the guy switched the reins to one hand and then, with full arc arm-swings and an open palm, he just started slapping the ass—the ass of the ass, that is—with gusto. The donkey sped up, though only a little. The guy stopped when he realized that we were staring at him, and the donkey slowed.

I dubbed this “the donkey accelerator.”